There is no shortage of men that will offer Us their opinion when it comes to the types of sex that Dominas, Dominatrixes or Mistresses choose to enjoy – especially when that type of sex happens to be with a man on top. Some men seem to think that because a man was on top of a Domina, that Domina is no longer Dominant enough. Switches and other practices aside, it’s time to analyse why this is simply not correct.

There are several reasons why men may think that having penetrative sex with a woman is about them and their dicks:

• White supremacy and western societies have spent the last century or so convincing men that sex is something that they conquer out of Women.
• Penetrative sex, in particular, has a long history of being associated with conquest (which is one of the reasons why pegging as a subversive act is so popular) that dates back to early Roman times.
• We live in a fairly phallo-centric society – a lot of sex revolves around men ejaculating, which is often conflated with men orgasming.
• Men often think that they have a higher libido than women – which is at the base of the argument that claims that they can’t control their actions. This is highly debatable.

But has it always been this way? Interestingly enough, European people in the middle ages and through some of the reinassance thought that it was Women who had an extremely high libido that had to be controlled by their husbands/fathers at all times – lest they spoil the patriarchal line.

Men have long feared the sexual desires of Women – often feeling inadequate or unable to fulfill Her needs. There are endless mythos (from greek Harpies to ‘Jennifer’s Body’) that build on the theme of the female libido being entirely too scary for men to face. The figure of the femme fatale is often a representation of the manly fear of being controlled and consumed by a woman who is clear about her sexual desires.

At the end of the day, telling Women that getting railed by men substracts from their value is another patriarchal tool rooted in the need to control Our bodies. Men who are ashamed (because they are not good enough to fulfill Our needs) and terrified (that We will extract every ounze of power from them with our sexuality) often retort to calling Our superiority into question when we show ourselves enjoying penetrative sex.

And in a way, they are correct. We are terrifying Harpies that will satisfy Our libido in whichever way pleases Us – and that is a very scary thought for you, because at the best of times, your control over your own sexuality and desires is non-existent.